Helping Children Develop a Positive Sense of Self, Part 2

THE IMPORTANCE OF FAILURE: Considering the wealth of available research, it is unfortunate and inexplicable that in some circles the doing-well aspect of building self-esteem has been overlooked in favor of the feeling-good part of the message. Seligman emphasizes the critical distinction as he connects self-esteem to childhood depression in his 1995 book, The Optimistic Child: A Proven Program to Safeguard Children Against Depression and Build Lifelong Resilience. "Armies of American teachers, along with American parents, are straining to bolster children's self-esteem," he says. "That sounds innocuous enough, but the way they do it often erodes children's sense of worth. By emphasizing how a child feels, at the expense of what the child does-mastery, persistence, overcoming frustration and boredom, and meeting challenge-parents and teachers are making this generation of children more vulnerable to depression." How could it be that well-meaning attempts to shield children from feeling bad could actually result in more depression rather than less? "Every subfailure, as well as every big failure, produces bad feeling-some admixture of anxiety, sadness, and anger," notes Seligman. "These emotions, when moderate, are galvanizing, but they are also daunting. Your child has one of only two tactics available when he feels bad. He can stay in the situation and act, trying to terminate the emotion by changing the situation. Or he can give up and leave the situation. This tactic also terminates the emotion by removing the situation altogether. The first tactic I call mastery, the second I call learned helplessness." This conceptualization of mastery is easily recognizable as another way of expressing the role of agency and self-efficacy described by Guerra and Bradshaw, as well as the "history of successes" and healthy "manner of responding to devaluation" described by Coopersmith. In this context, Seligman's findings aren't necessarily shocking, but he perhaps expresses them more clearly: "In order for your child to experience mastery," he insists, "it is necessary for him to fail, to feel bad, and to try again repeatedly until success occurs. None of these steps can be circumvented. Failure and feeling bad are necessary building blocks for ultimate success and feeling good." Taking issue with political claims that poor self-esteem is the cause of such ills as academic failure, drug use, teenage pregnancy and dependence on welfare, Seligman argues that the reverse is actually the truth: poor self-esteem is the result of these ills rather than the cause. "There is no effective technology for teaching feeling good which does not first teach doing well," he says. "Feelings of self-esteem in particular, and happiness in general, develop as side effects-of mastering challenges, working successfully, overcoming frustration and boredom, and winning. The feeling of self-esteem is a byproduct of doing well." For Guerra and her colleagues, doing well is expressed in terms of agency and self-efficacy, but they also see these skills as necessary to self-esteem and a positive sense of self. By: GINA STEPP gina.stepp@visionjournal.org Source: www.vision.org SELECTED REFERENCES: 1 Stanley Coopersmith, The Antecedents of Self-Esteem (1967). 2Nancy G. Guerra and Catherine P. Bradshaw, "Linking the Prevention of Problem Behaviors and Positive Youth Development: Core Competencies for Positive Youth Development and Risk Prevention," in New Directions for Child and Adolescent Development (Winter 2008). 3 William James, The Principles of Psychology, Volume 1 (1890, 2007). 4 William R. Miller and Stephen Rollnick, Motivational Interviewing: Preparing People for Change, 2nd ed. (2002). 5 Philippe Rochat, "Five Levels of Self-Awareness as They Unfold Early in Life," in Consciousness and Cognition (2003). 6 Martin E.P. Seligman, The Optimistic Child: A Proven Program to Safeguard Children Against Depression and Build Lifelong Resilience (1995).