Look. At. That.
What a waste. That queen, living it off the
government in her castles with her corgis.
(and gin) Just how much does this cost to
The answer: 40 million pounds.
That’s about 65 pence per person per year
of tax money going to the royal family.
Sure, It’s still twenty-three pence short
of a complete shield, but it might be more
than you want to pay.
Any after all, those are your coins. Why does
the queen get to steal them?
Well, it’s a little complicated.
The story starts with this guy: King George
the third, most well known as the monarch
who lost the United States for the Empire.
Less well known – but far more interesting
– is he likely suffered from a mental illness
called Porphyria which has the unusual side
effect of transforming your poop from it’s
normal boring brown to a delightful shade
But I digress – back to the the reason the
Royals get tax money.
King George was having trouble paying his
bills and had racked up debt.
While he did own huge tracts of land, the
profit from their rental was too small to
cover his expenses.
He offered a deal to parliament: for the rest
of his life he would surrender the profits
from the rents on his land in exchange for
getting a fixed annual salary and having his
Parliament took him up on the deal, guessing
that the profits from the rents would pay
Just how well did parliament do? Back to the
present let’s compare their profits and
losses by using a tenner to represent 10 million
The cost to maintain the royal family today
is 40 million pounds per year.
But the revenue paid to the UK from the royal
lands is 200 million.
200 million in revenue subtract 40 million
in salary costs equals 160 million pounds
That’s right: The United Kingdom earns 160
million pounds in profit, every year from
the Royal Family.
So stop all your moaning about the Royal family
and how much they cost and how worthless they
are. The Royal Family is Great for Great Britain.
Doing the individual’s math again:
160 million pounds divided by 62 million people
is about 2 pounds and 60 pence.
Because of the Royal Family, your taxes are
actually 2 pounds and 60 pence cheaper each
year than they would otherwise be.
But perhaps that’s not enough for you because
you’re a real greedy geezer. Why not kick
they royals out and keep 100% of the revenue.
Because it’s still their land. King George
the crazy wasn’t crazy enough to give up
everything, just the profits.
But it wasn’t only him: every Monarch since
King George the third has voluntarilyturned
over the profits from their land to the United
Kingdom. Again: Voluntarily.
If the government stopped paying the Royal
Family’s living and state expenses the Royals
would be forced to take back the profits from
their land. And your taxes, dear Monarchy-haters,
would go UP not DOWN.
Plus 160 million is just the easily measurable
money the United Kingdom makes from the royal
Don’t forget their huge indirect golden
Annoying though they might be to the locals
by blocking the tube and refusing to stand
on the right, they dump buckets of money on
the UK to see the sights, travel ludicrously
short distances by public transport, and generally
act silly a long way from home.
Sure not everything they come to see is royal,
but the most expensive stuff is.
And who are the biggest spenders? The Yanks.
After they’ve finished buying maple syrup
& cheap, pharmaceuticals, Tijuanaian professional
services & illegal pharmaceuticals, where
do they go next?
The United Kingdom.
Americans fly across an ocean to see a land
filled with Castles that aren’t plastic.
And why do the Americans think Frances castles
are so boring and stinky and the UK’s castles
so awesome? Because real monarchs still use
The tower of London is so stunning to visitors
because the Royal Crest on the Yeomen Warders
Uniform is real. It’s not a lame historical
re-enactment or modern LARPing.
It’s the embodiment of the living, breathing
Everywhere you look she’s sprinkled fairy
dust on banal objects to make them magically
attractive to tourists.
12 million of whom visit every year spending
7,000 million pounds.
Which suddenly makes those direct profits
look like rather small change.
But perhaps you don’t care than the monarchs
are a perpetual GOLD MINE for the UK. You’re
a Republican and you dislike like the royal
family because of their political power. After
all, the government gets all its right to
rule through the crown, not the people.
And yes, I’ll grant you that back in the
head-choppy days of yore, this was a legitimate
concern, but the modern queen isn’t a dangerous
political lion but a declawed kitten.
Her powers are limited to a kabuki theater
act of approving what parliament wants to
Remove the royal family from government and
fundamentally nothing would be different except
now you wouldn’t live in the magical United
Kingdom but the rather dull United Republic
of England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland.
A.K.A URESWNI for short. Doesn’t quite have
the same ring to it.
But, maybe I’m wrong – perhaps the queen
is a political ticking time bomb, just waiting
for her chance to declare random wars and
devolve parliaments for the lulz.
But until that day comes.
God save the queen.�